Wow. When you haven’t cried in a while and something sets you off, it’s kind of hard to stop.
That was pretty much my night last night. The reason I was crying was because I was relieved. But I was also very angry.
I was having discomfort in my chest. It started when I woke up in the morning but subsided pretty quickly. Then later in the day, it came back but was pretty bothersome. It was high in my chest, beginning toward my shoulder but then more toward the center of my chest, by my sternum. It hurt more when I moved which lead me to believe it was muscular or something like that. However I couldn’t help but wonder if it was something more serious. Like heart related. The only history I have of any heart related issues is high blood pressure. It’s only been borderline high, not excessively high, and I’ve been on medication for a number of years. I’ve also had normal EKGs for years. However I have never had a full heart “check up” before. I’ve put on some weight over the years and am not exactly in the best physical shape ever. Most importantly, I’ve had diabetes for going on 31 years. That is a long time of high and low blood sugars. This is what scares me the most. And that is why I was angry.
It was because I have diabetes that lead me to going to the urgent care near me and getting checked out. I wanted to be safe than sorry and I think Joe felt the same. (He is the one who persuaded me to go) But had I not been a diabetic, I would’ve brushed the discomfort off and waited to see how I felt in the morning. Last night I hated diabetes for what it can do to your body. I hated it for making me worry more than the next person. I hated it for reminding me what my father went through. I hated its very existence.
Thankfully the EKG came back normal. The doctor seemed to think it was something called Costochondritis, which if you’ve never heard of it like me, it is inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join with the cartilage that holds them to the breastbone or sternum. Yup some more inflammation. He prescribed anti-inflammatory medication and did recommend I see a cardiologist at some point. I will discuss this when I see my endo next week.
I don’t get out of sorts about diabetes often. But last night I did. And it felt so good to cry it out.