Bummer Appointment.

Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment with my endo. On the train on my way home (my endo is in my home neighborhood, not near my job) I found myself wondering why I wasn’t feeling my usual nerves. It was then that I began to feel like I didn’t care. Like I wasn’t concerned with how my appointment was going to go. I can’t pinpoint what brought those feelings on but I was still pretty calm when I got to the doctor’s office.

Overall my a1c went up a bit, my weight went up a bit and my BP was up a bit. I also had an ANSAR test done. If you’ve never heard of that before, it’s a test that determines anything wrong with the autonomic nervous system. Dr. K is concerned that since I started with retinopathy, the chances of other complications may be likely. All of these new-to-me tests are scary. They are part of the reality I have always been afraid of. But I know they are for the best. If I want to stay healthy, I have to be proactive and diligent about my body. It was not the best appointment of all time. But Dr. K thinks my “control” is decent and knows that I’m doing a lot to manage my diabetes. I appreciate her outlook and her recognition of my hard work. There is more fine tuning that I need to do which will happen with the help of my CDE. And also with my own efforts of keeping up with exercise. I feel like now more than ever, my BG control matters. I’ll be soon commemorating 30 years living with diabetes. And that’s a long time. But to quote Dr. K, “you still have a long life ahead of you”. And I want to make sure that life ahead of me is stable.

So for the record, in looking over my meter downloads, I realized something. I do care. I care enough to check my BG 17-19 times in one day.

9 thoughts on “Bummer Appointment.”

Nice post – you obviously DO care. And you blog, which is a lot of caring. I think burnout can happen no matter how much you care though. Would it be cliche to say, “you can do this”?

As a side note, I like that you put the word control in quotation marks. Very clever! 🙂

I’m sorry that your hard work doesn’t give you the results you deserve. 😦 But don’t ever stop caring because it does pay off and will continue to pay off so that I can share the rest of that long life with you! 🙂

Yes, you MUST care if you test that often ;).

I need more motivation, too. It’s too easy to wallow in what’s going on beyond diabetes right now – want to be my motivation buddy? 🙂

You are so inspiring to me. I mean it. Anyway, I agree…you DO care. Sometimes I think it seems we don’t because our body/mind/spirit needs a darn break from all the caring! Maybe that’s what you were going through. Maybe your body was like…we need a break from the worry so let’s relax. Anyway, I’m going to test now…thanks for the reminder 🙂

Oh yes, I KNOW you care!!!! You care a lot. I’m sorry you had such a scary appointment – but remember, knowledge is power. I’m so impressed with how committed you have been to your exercise routine. And I know you are going to do what needs to be done to live a long healthy life. Hugs to you!!