Bummer Appointment.

Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment with my endo. On the train on my way home (my endo is in my home neighborhood, not near my job) I found myself wondering why I wasn’t feeling my usual nerves.  It was then that I began to feel like I didn’t care. Like I wasn’t concerned with how my appointment was going to go. I can’t pinpoint what brought those feelings on but I was still pretty calm when I got to the doctor’s office. 

Overall my a1c went up a bit, my weight went up a bit and my BP was up a bit. I also had an ANSAR test done. If you’ve never heard of that before, it’s a test that determines anything wrong with the autonomic nervous system.  Dr. K is concerned that since I started with retinopathy, the chances of other complications may be likely. All of these new-to-me tests are scary. They are part of the reality I have always been afraid of.  But I know they are for the best. If I want to stay healthy, I have to be proactive and diligent about my body.  It was not the best appointment of all time.   But Dr. K thinks my “control” is decent and knows that I’m doing a lot to manage my diabetes.  I appreciate her outlook and her recognition of my hard work.  There is more fine tuning that I need to do which will happen with the help of my CDE.  And also with my own efforts of keeping up with exercise.  I feel like now more than ever, my BG control matters.  I’ll be soon commemorating 30 years living with diabetes.  And that’s a long time.  But to quote Dr. K, “you still have a long life ahead of you”.  And I want to make sure that life ahead of me is stable.  

So for the record, in looking over my meter downloads, I realized something. I do care. I care enough to check my BG 17-19 times in one day.

9 thoughts on “Bummer Appointment.

  1. Nice post – you obviously DO care. And you blog, which is a lot of caring. I think burnout can happen no matter how much you care though. Would it be cliche to say, “you can do this”?

    As a side note, I like that you put the word control in quotation marks. Very clever! 🙂

  2. I’m sorry that your hard work doesn’t give you the results you deserve. 😦 But don’t ever stop caring because it does pay off and will continue to pay off so that I can share the rest of that long life with you! 🙂

  3. Yes, you MUST care if you test that often ;).

    I need more motivation, too. It’s too easy to wallow in what’s going on beyond diabetes right now – want to be my motivation buddy? 🙂

  4. You are so inspiring to me. I mean it. Anyway, I agree…you DO care. Sometimes I think it seems we don’t because our body/mind/spirit needs a darn break from all the caring! Maybe that’s what you were going through. Maybe your body was like…we need a break from the worry so let’s relax. Anyway, I’m going to test now…thanks for the reminder 🙂

  5. Oh yes, I KNOW you care!!!! You care a lot. I’m sorry you had such a scary appointment – but remember, knowledge is power. I’m so impressed with how committed you have been to your exercise routine. And I know you are going to do what needs to be done to live a long healthy life. Hugs to you!!

  6. Pingback: Not Sure What to Think. | The Girl with the Portable Pancreas

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