There seems to be a baby boom going on – both in the diabetes community and out. And while I’m genuinely happy for those I know with growing families, some first time parents, these stories also touch a painful piece of my heart. Joe and I have been married for over 8 years (wow that makes me feel old!) I absolutely love the life we share together. I couldn’t be happier married to any other person on this planet. But I can’t help but feel a teeny, tiny longing for something that we don’t have. A child. I think it’s safe to say at this point that children are probably not in our future. And although that is a decision we in a sense made based on what is best for us, it’s not one that I can say I am exactly happy about. Diabetes did play a large part in that decision. I know that women living with type 1 diabetes can have successful pregnancies leading to healthy children. We know that. But that doesn’t take away the stress and the amplified possibilities that come along with a diabetic pregnancy. There are other factors we considered like work and child care. Not to mention freedom anyone? And while all these things lead to an anti-baby decision, I can’t deny that it tears me up inside sometimes.
There are certain situations that make me feel better. Like not hearing a word of conversation with my sister on the phone due to screaming children in the background. Or watching 3 of your friends toddlers having simultaneous tantrums 😉 But there’s a part of me that feels left out. Especially since we are one of the only couples we know without children. Three years ago I went to the baby shower of a friend. And sat at the table with 3 other expecting friends. When I left, I sat in my car and cried. It’s hard to explain the pain because sometimes it’s faint. Sometimes I feel okay with it. But it’s still there.
Maybe one day my life as I think it will be, will change. I don’t know what the future holds. But just know that any child should not be taken for granted. There are some people whose lives are not filled with the joys of being a parent. And I guess I am one of those people.