Missing Out.

There seems to be a baby boom going on – both in the diabetes community and out. And while I’m genuinely happy for those I know with growing families, some first time parents, these stories also touch a painful piece of my heart. Joe and I have been married for over 8 years (wow that makes me feel old!) I absolutely love the life we share together. I couldn’t be happier married to any other person on this planet. But I can’t help but feel a teeny, tiny longing for something that we don’t have. A child. I think it’s safe to say at this point that children are probably not in our future. And although that is a decision we in a sense made based on what is best for us, it’s not one that I can say I am exactly happy about. Diabetes did play a large part in that decision. I know that women living with type 1 diabetes can have successful pregnancies leading to healthy children. We know that. But that doesn’t take away the stress and the amplified possibilities that come along with a diabetic pregnancy. There are other factors we considered like work and child care. Not to mention freedom anyone? And while all these things lead to an anti-baby decision, I can’t deny that it tears me up inside sometimes.

There are certain situations that make me feel better. Like not hearing a word of conversation with my sister on the phone due to screaming children in the background. Or watching 3 of your friends toddlers having simultaneous tantrums 😉 But there’s a part of me that feels left out. Especially since we are one of the only couples we know without children.  Three years ago I went to the baby shower of a friend. And sat at the table with 3 other expecting friends. When I left, I sat in my car and cried. It’s hard to explain the pain because sometimes it’s faint. Sometimes I feel okay with it.  But it’s still there.

Maybe one day my life as I think it will be, will change. I don’t know what the future holds. But just know that any child should not be taken for granted. There are some people whose lives are not filled with the joys of being a parent. And I guess I am one of those people.

14 thoughts on “Missing Out.

  1. I feel the same way. My man and I want to have children, but with diabetes and me going into law enforcement, I fear I won’t be “healthy” enough or have enough time to devote to extreme care before, during, and after pregnancy. A child isn’t out of the picture yet, but I still get sad to think it may be, especially when all my friends and family are having kids. Chin up, if you really want to have a child, there are adoption or surrogate options.

  2. You are definitely not alone on this one. Same here, and the guilty feeling does not leave me that I’m just validating the old stereotype that T1D’s can’t have children. It’s just that *I* can’t, I met DH too late in life.

  3. I know how you feel girlie. I’ve been working for a few years now to get my body “baby ready” and I’m not much closer than the day I started. It’s one of those situations all T-1 women (and their significant others) go through. It’s not pleasant… but real. I hope you can find some kind of a balance (adopt in a few years?) to fill any voids. You are fabulous… don’t forget that. xoxoxo

  4. There’s still some little part of me who would like to prove everyone wrong, that my rather imperfect body (T2, being 35 and over, and all the other unrelated stuff) could do it, could handle a pregnancy. I think we all want that, even the most staunch child-free women to a small degree, because it’s biologically ingrained in us.

  5. You are not alone in your thoughts. I am still young and not married, but I have thought about this a lot. You aren’t wrong and you can fill that feeling with other feels as well…maybe get a puppy! They cry enough! LOL

  6. I had 3 babies with Type 1 diabetes. It can be challenging, but it is possible. It feels very unnatural at times to put your own physical needs before your infant/baby/toddler/child at times, but sometimes that is necessary. They think nothing of it and don’t really seem to notice. Driving was the scariest part of it for me, but it taught me to be more vigilant about my BG levels.

    What I am trying to say is that there are and should be a lot of deal breakers for deciding not to have children, but diabetes does not have to be one of them. It is a huge decision and I hope you take some time to really think it, and discuss it, all the way through from every direction.

  7. I think that God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes it is hard to understand our role in his plan and we sometimes get sad and mad about it. We just can’t comprehend the “why” of His plan. I feel very luck to be 30 weeks pregnant today. This is, however, the hardest physical and emotional thing I have ever done. I wish I was able to explain in words, but I can’t. I am sorry you are feeling somewhat sad right now. I think it is awesome that you shared such a personal feeling though. I hope that helps you to feel better. I am sure it is helping others.

  8. Well, you know I get you girlie. You and Tricia have been two of the only people I know that I feel really get me with this situation. I actually sat in my Rheumatologist’s office today and cried about this very subject. I think we three motherless ladies should go get drunk one night soon. Hell, if nothing else we can celebrate one of the things that is a positive about not having kids-no babysitter needed. (((HUGS)))

  9. You aren’t alone. I understand and feel exactly everything you wrote here. I admire you for being brave enough to put it all out there – I know how hard that is. I wish I lived close enough to go on that “motherless bender” with you, Tina and Tricia!!

  10. It kills me to think of you feeling this way and that there isn’t something I could do to change things. 😦 But I know that you are the absolute bestest aunt and godmother a child could have & my kids (and I’m sure Mila too) are sincerely blessed to have you in their lives. I know they in no way replace having your own child but I want you to realize how special you are to them. I know that won’t make you feel better, but I hope hearing it warms your heart, even a little. Love you!!

  11. You’re not alone!
    I always thought I’d be called “mommy” by now – and I’m sad that I’m not. But I’m not in a committed relationship & I can’t see raising a child by myself. I never thought that I couldn’t have a child because of diabetes, my oldest sister is a type 1 and has 3 grown sons – 2 of which were born in the diabetes dark ages, so I always knew it was possible.
    HUGS

  12. It took more than two years of obsessive work on my diabetes – where it became the front-and-center focus of everything I did and thought and ate – to be able to get to our safe and healthy baby. It was a horrible way to live, I cried a lot, and I truly didn’t believe that I’d be able to have any sort of happy ending.

    So even though I’m part of the boom, I completely understand where you’re coming from. None of this is easy, and the hand we T1s were dealt was a totally crap one.

  13. Pingback: No D Day 2011. | The Girl with the Portable Pancreas

  14. This really struck a chord with me. I got married in May and was hospitalized with DKA in August so I’m all together a new wife and new diabetic. My husband and I had decided before getting married that we weren’t going to have children, knowing full well that we could change our minds or be surprised some day and it would be fine.
    I’ve been reading some blogs about pregnancy and diabetes, and it’s changed my perspective. I’m still fine with the decision to not have children, but I still get the same longings that you mentioned. They’ve been especially rough with my sister expecting a little girl next month and close friends having babies.
    This post made me feel much better knowing that someone else has the same feelings.

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