I’ve read quite a few posts and had conversations regarding this diabetes ennui that seems to be going around recently. And while I wish I could say I haven’t jumped on that bandwagon, I’d be lying.
I’m still testing regularly and acting on those results. But it’s more like robot mode instead of being actually proactive or trying to find things that need to be changed. My motivation for anything, especially diabetes related things, is lacking. Big-time. There has been a lot more stress at work the past couple of weeks so I know that is a contributing factor. I hadn’t noticed before how much I dislike the increased darkness that comes with winter. I’ve never been a fan of the cold weather but waking up in the darkness and coming home from work in the darkness has hit a nerve this year. Or it could just be my frame of mind. I have not been exercising the way I should be. Although dealing with back pain, I’d still much rather think of an excuse and hang out on my comfy couch. And since my BG readings have been pretty decent without the exercise, I’m not finding the incentive to get to it. I can’t believe it but the holiday season is upon us. I’ve done most of my Christmas shopping and am trying to get in the holiday spirit. Still something is nagging at me, pulling me down a bit.
Then I realize that with the holidays, also comes an anniversary for me. I was diagnosed with diabetes on Christmas eve. And in just 16 days I will be commemorating 30 years since that diagnosis. 30 freaking years. And I think that is what is weighing on me. As much as things have been good for those 30 years in the past, I am afraid to move forward and past that mark. I am afraid of what another 2 or 5 or 10 years can bring.
I have to try my hardest to not let that fear overcome me. I have to embrace the knowledge and tools I have to let those fears be just that. Fears. And nothing more.
I can’t let diabetes get the best of me. For a few moments, maybe. I’m only human. We’re only human. But then I must get out of robot mode and find incentive to exercise. My health really depends on it.
I can’t forget what this time of year is really about. Celebrations. Giving. Loved ones. Sharing. There is a lot to be thankful for. Diabetes or not. I will not be a Grinch.