Grief Then. Grief Now.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night from a nightmare.  My heart was pounding so hard I swore Joe could hear or feel it.  It was about finding out my father passed away.  When I woke up I realized it wasn’t really a dream, but a recollection.

Today marks ten years that my father passed away.  Ten years.  As much as I hate it, my life has gone on.  So much has happened in the past ten years, especially in my diabetes life, that I wish I could share with him.  I know he is watching over me but I wish he was here in real life.  I still have those moments where my heart truly aches from missing him.

I would give anything to be able to talk to him again.  Hug him.  Hold his hand.  Make tea for him.  And as long as I live, I will hate diabetes for taking that away from me.  But today I won’t let diabetes win.  I’m not going to reflect on what I lost.  I am going to celebrate the wonderful father I had.  I am going to remember the good times we shared.  I am going to cherish his memory.

In my dreams
I’ll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I’ll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
And everywhere I am
There you’ll be
Lyrics from There You’ll Be by Faith Hill, the song we danced to at my wedding

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13 thoughts on “Grief Then. Grief Now.

  1. Hugs for you! I know right where you’re coming from. It’ll be 5 years since my dad passed away in September. There are days I don’t think about it, and days that still incite tears. I’m always thankful for everything he instilled in me.

  2. I’m thinking of you today Stacey. I’m beginning to understand the strange ways that grief comes back to remind us that someone we love is gone and I admire your decision to celebrate your father’s life today.

  3. Stacey, I have no words to make you feel better. I could never know what it is like to be in your shoes. You are a wonderful person. Thinking good thoughts and prayers for you.

  4. I wish he was still there for you, too. Don’t be ashamed to admit that your life has gone on though. Clearly, your dad means – and has always meant – a lot to you, and doing other things doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten about him.

  5. Losing a loved one is sad for everyone, and I’d imagine its especially true when its a parent, although its a fact of life, but it still makes you feel like an ophan. But your dream, in my way of thinking, is a sign he’s still watching over you.

  6. Sorry you don’t have your dad with you now. But it’s nice that you’re remembering him this way. I think you’re right… he would be very proud of you.

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