Enough

12/1  5:59pm 251

12/1  3:39am 266

11/30  6:18am 209

11/29  11:03am 239

11/25  9:52pm 236

Sadly, these are some of my blood glucose readings over the past week or so.  And unfortunately there are others like it too in between some random decent numbers.  No pattern.  No apparent reason.  Just.  All.  High.  Living with a pancreas that doesn’t work and using a portable electronic device in its place, there will be high blood sugars.  What my “job” as a diabetic is, is to try and keep those highs to a minimum by giving myself enough insulin (but not too much).  Sometimes though, it doesn’t work the way I want.  When there are days or weeks like these, it gets me feeling like garbage.  Not just physically either.  Emotionally and mentally like garbage too.  I posted a status on Facebook last night “to all my family + friends who don’t have diabetes, be glad you don’t (I am bitter today)”.  I know there are worse conditions or illnesses to have than diabetes.  So when I feel down, frustrated, helpless or overwhelmed in dealing with it, I feel guilty.  Anyone who knows me can attest that I usually have a positive outlook on things.  I’m not a pessimist.  I don’t dwell on the things that aren’t what I’d like them to be.  But sometimes diabetes can get the best of us.  And that’s what is happening to me.  Not being able to control the one thing that is crucial to my overall health is discouraging to say the least.  I’m scared about the impact it will have on my body in the future.  Near or not.  I don’t like how it’s making me feel now.  And the stress of getting it back to where it’s supposed to be is hindering.  I’d say those are valid reasons for feeling upset.  As long as I don’t let it overcome me.

So I’m hoping that I’ve had enough of this high blood sugar streak.  And in turn, I will have had enough of this feeling bad all around and I can go back to my enduring self, monitoring (semi) normal readings.  Fingers crossed!!

10 thoughts on “Enough

  1. Stacey – everything you say is so spot on, especially the part about your attitude – you have a great attitude and are fully entitled to vent as you have. I’m not even sure if it’s a complete vent – just a simple comment.

    What upsets me most, is that the blood sugars make you feel badly NOW. I know these highs will pass, and that overall you manage things superbly, so in the end, these few highs won’t add up to anything. But, as you said, the stress of not knowing why only compounds things, and if you don’t feel well then it’s compounded more and so on and so on.

    So I hope this nonsense stops soon, because I want you to feel better – physically and emotionally.

    Hugs.

  2. Low or high bloodsugars give us uncontrollable emotions and make us feel like crapola also.

    I always wonder if I would be a happier more optimistic person if it were not for D.

    I have two bad weeks a month and it is totally related to hormones and carb cravings and then I have two good weeks. So soooooooooo frustrating, I so get it.

  3. I hope things turn around FAST for you.

    (And can I just say that I love the snow on your blog? It surprised me and I’ve been staring at it for about ten minutes. I’m also 54 mg/dl, so that may explain some things, but still – cool snow! 🙂 )

  4. I hope you’re feeling better- I was sorry to read this …wow, I just truly never knew….. I’m so glad I got to meet you at the event at my store…was really a pleasure…stay positive .. Easy for me to say, right?…. have a happy holidays and all the best, Amy …tibi….

  5. I literally burst into tears while reading this. This is the first time i’ve seen your blog….in fact the first time i’ve searched for a diabetes blog period and i am just so grateful to have found yours!!! I am a solitary diabetc in my circle and every single word you have written i have thought. I think we are kindred spirits:)
    Looking forward to reading more and thanks again for your honesty.

  6. I am a big fan of the “snow effect” too…saw it on TIC a few days ago! COOL.

    I totally hear you. I am a mere Type 3 (co-pancreas with my son Joe…who is type 1…he is 7, diagnosed at 3). I hate when we get stuck in a high patch. I can handle deviant blood sugars for a week, a week and a half…but at the two week mark I start to lose it! Beating myself up internally. Funny how lows don’t mess with me as much…unless they are ugly or scary lows…lows are an “easier” fix. I know it isn’t the right way to look at it, but for some reason they are psychologically easier for me to handle from a management point.

    I hope you are feeling better about things and that the Blood Sugar Gods are smiling down on you today!

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